We Critique Because We Care

24 min read

Deviation Actions

RogueMudblood's avatar
Published:
738 Views
If you see or read anything on dA that absolutely awes you, please consider suggesting the piece for a DD feature. FAQ #18: Who selects Daily Deviations and how are they chosen?


For those of you who don't know, I'm a member of a group that specializes in leaving constructive comments for members of the site who seek to improve.
It's a wonderful group, and though the March Comment Month has almost ended, there are numerous other pieces there which people would love to have some feedback on.

It's not the only group where critiquables are posted, though.



Now, not everyone has the premium membership that allows for the formal critique feature. But that doesn't mean that they don't want to have some form of honest feedback that lets them know where they can improve - and what they're doing well so they don't keep trying to "fix" what "ain't broke". Isn't that what all of us want?

Yes, this is for literature pieces.



No offense to visual art - I love you too. But people are a lot quicker to comment on visual art than they are on literature, even if they like it. So, readers, get your fingers ready, because these authors want to hear from you!

From the literature forum: (those that didn't have responses with critique or links to critique)
:star:Mature pieces:

Mature Content

   <da:thumb id="482479782"/>   

Mature Content


Mature Content

   

Mature Content

   

Mature Content

   

Mature Content

   

Mature Content


Mature Content

   

Mature Content

   

Mature Content

:star:Not marked mature:
What Am II am the voice in the silence when you thought you were alone
I am the flower that blooms from the seeds you have sown
I am the breath of air when you are submerged deep
I am the pillow when worries deprive you your sleep
I am the plumb line that keeps you straight
I am the sibling found in faith
I am the sun when you are the night
I am with you when you enter the fight
I am watcher, listener, student, teacher
Equal, alike; abroad, or beside
None can break what is forged inside
Fire tried love will never die
I am the cloth that dries your tears
I am the journal that keeps your fears
I am the one who remembers joys before
And you are the one who does these and more
The child’s toy of which you’ve grown apart
Yet the supportive voice that always shares your heart
Invaluable treasure proved by working hands of time
And rare luxury many people will never find
A virtue lost in the grains we grind
Have you already forgotten?
What am I?
   <da:thumb id="522027341"/>   <da:thumb id="521631002"/>
<da:thumb id="520284372"/>   <da:thumb id="498814088"/>    Vicarious: A story of a Catfish Pt. 1It's a lazy Friday afternoon, and 22 year old Anastasia has spent five straight hours browsing the internet. Not something she normally does, usually preferring to be productive and work towards her goals in the physical word. Anastasia is an aspiring Ukrainian model whom, at odds, is rather socially withdrawn. She has not started any progression towards her future modeling career as of yet. Her own judgment of herself says she is not ready until she perfects the little things that only keen eyes will notice. She wants to audition to be a model in Siberia, in a place infamous for it's cutthroat judgement in the industry. It has one of the few places that is currently allowing opportunities for models past their teens.
 Somehow browsing the web for beauty care has landed her on Ykran. A website that holds the highest popularity for Slavic social networking. She has spent the past hour scrolling through the website, contemplating on whether or not she should join. Lately she has bee

Leo and the Elemental Trio: My Bizarre AdventureOne day in New Jersey, I, Xander Martin, was on winter break and had a school field trip to the mysterious ruins of this creepy old abandoned one-story house that had a bunch of presumably dead wasp nests on the entrance stairway, and I was having trouble figuring out why we were being sent there.
Two of my friends, Antonio Rodriguez and Samuel Travis, were on this trip as well. 
"So, why do you suppose our school decided to send us on this bogus excuse for a field trip?" Travis asked.
"Dunno, but it really pisses me off. I can't f***ing stand this god-damned weather, it drives me bats*** crazy!" Antonio replied.
"Hey, watch your f***ing language!" the bus driver yelled at us.
"Pardon us." we replied.
"Anyway, I really don't understand why we're going to this frickin' smelly old house that very few people have even heard of!" Rodriguez explained. "What's the damn deal with that, huh!?"
"I don't really understand either." Travis replied.
"Maybe there's supposed to be some kind of b
   <da:thumb id="519157147"/>   <da:thumb id="510425947"/>
Midnight Down by GoranNik    The PromiseSophie Armistead sat in a cafe on the hill, trying to decide whether or not to leave her family. It wasn't that she didn't love them; the love she felt for them is what had kept her going for the last seventeen years. But it had become increasingly harder to bear in recent years. The only thing that kept her sane were these stolen hours atop the hill, where she could sit quietly and just think nothing. The truth was, she was tired of being bruised, bitten, and hit, always unexpectedly. She always forgave him, because she knew he didn't know better. But knowing and feeling didn't always agree.
She had known years ago it would be difficult, but she hadn't known just how challenging it would be to raise an autistic son. She knew something was different about Corey when he was an infant but she couldn't pinpoint what exactly. He had been slow to crawl, stand up on his own, and take his first steps. And it took a long time for him to get used to the feel of water. He was also a picky eater.
    ShaadiMy father didn't propose to my mother when they got married. His family did, to her family. Both families became aware of each other through an acquaintance and the match was deemed appropriate. At that time my father had several job offers abroad, so their engagement wasn't very long. They met a couple of times before the wedding (always with chaperones, of course). They had a traditional Indian wedding and soon after they left for the UK, where my father had been offered a very good position in a young firm.
Once, when I was about 14, my mother told us more about their marriage after my sister and I had bothered her with quite a few questions. She told us that she and our father had actually gone to the same university though she had been a freshman when he was a senior. Although they were never part of the same social circle, she had known who he was. They never spoke; she never knew that my father had been interested in her for a really long time. He just never had the courage to t

World of Vel part 1
A COLLECTION OF ADVENTURES:

DETAILED BY A TRAVELLING HALF-ELF


In the world of VEL


PART 1: THAT ONE DAY

THAT ONE DAY I was walking with my brother, Jin… It started very much like any other day in the tiny wooded village of Verseltra. Each morning began with myself darting from the confines of my home to the shady lands outside, greeted by the familiar trees and walls that kept our village safe. So, if it was such an average day, why begin the story of my travels here? 
Simply put, it’s due in part to the fact that I imagine all the great travelers and heroes of Vel have a day such as this one. A day, where, at the end of their adventures, as they are peacefully soaking in the candle light, surrounded by their trophies and blades and treasures, they could trace it all back to that one moment in time.
    Thorns Hidden By BeautyA rose of crimson red,
It's beauty mesmerizes all,
A symbol of love,
But looks can be deceitful,
For beauty can ensnare us
And love can hurt us,
So beware before you touch a rose
Because thee may be beautiful
But behind that beauty is its deadly thorns.
    SeleneSelene
Thee pale skinned goddess,
She who is the moon personified,
Her eyes resembles moonlight,
Her hair black as the new moon,
Wearing a silver peplos,
Daughter of the Hyperion the Titan of light
And Thea the Titan of sight,
Sister of Helios
The Sun
And Eos
The Dawn,
Riding her chariot pulled by pure white horses
Across the night sky which she lights up
With her beautiful silver glow,
The women who watches over her love
Thee immortal Endymion who sleeps for eternity dreaming of holding the moon,
Selene the lovely lady of the moon
Who blesses us with its beauty and power,
She who is the all powerful moon personified,
I honor lady Selene great goddess of the moon
Who rides her silver chariot across the starlit night sky.

HecateOh Hecate
Great lady of the crossroads
She who was born of the titianess Asteria; the starry one and the titian Perses; the destroyer,
The lady of change who guides us through our darkness with the light of her torches,
She who kept her power when Zeus came to power,
The only one who shares with Zeus the power to give humanity anything as well as take away,
Sovereign lady who holds power over the heaven, earth, and ocean,
Hecate who guided Demeter through thee underworld with her shining light to her daughter,
She who is goddess of the dark moon; where she guides us through the transitions of life,
Her home the underworld,
The triple goddess who changes from the maiden, the mother, and the crone like the moon changes from full to crescent to new,
Thee who knows darkness is not evil but misunderstood
For that we need darkness to get to our light
For without it we would not gain wisdom through the journey rhrough our darkness to our light,
Oh great wise sovereign lady of the three paths
    Something about suicide, Chapter 1Chapter 1
Samuel my dear. Do you think I could ever bring myself to lie to you so easily? Despite what you may think of me sometimes, I do care for you, I care for you more than the people I left behind, mostly because I have yet to leave you behind and to be honest I am not really sure if I can yet.
But when I do leave you behind, which I will, promise me that you will not come searching for me, that you will not miss me, that you will go on living the life that you have and that you will go out and create the life that you’ve dreamed of having with someone. I see the way you look at me, I know that you hope I will stay and be by your side for as long as I can, but that simply isn’t possible. So when the day comes and I do leave you for other things. Don’t miss me or need me, I ask with all my heart because you can’t live your life wondering and hoping for something that could never have been anything. So Please don’t search for me or miss me because it r
    Zodiac Wars Vol.II Ch.1Zodiac Wars Vol. II
Ch. 1: A New Day
 
In the middle of his room Dirk sits around in his room looking over the injuries on his body and looking at a large scar on his chest.
            "That healing ability is really helpful, almost all my injuries are gone." Dirk says before touching the scar on his chest. "Well almost all of them."
As Dirk stands around Gabriela opens the door looking downwards.
            "It's almost time for breakfast, so hurry up."
Gabriela looks up and sees Dirk without his shirt before brushing brightly and rushing behind the wall.
            "Sorry." Gabriela says nervously. "I didn't mean to do that."
            "It's fine, I'll get ready."
As Dirk puts on his shirt Gabriela looks on again looking at the scar on his back

Labyrinthine Vol.II Ch.0Labyrinthine Vol. II
Ch. 0: Prologue
 
In a large town under the cover of night two young boys covered in black feathers with large birdlike wings, beaks, and bird feet rush along the rooftops wearing black outfits before jumping up and taking flight before crashing into the top window of a large building.
            "So then where is it?" The older boy looks around the room annoyed. "Where's the chest?"
            "Brother, it's over here."
The pair find a small chest nestled in the corner of the room on top of a book self.
            "Good, well fly up there and get it."
            "But brother, what if there's a trap?"
            "Don't worry Aran, it's fine
    Electric City Ch. 1I shuffled my feet down the hallway, staring at the reflection of my nostrils on the floor. A feeling of dread lingered in my stomach like it has been for the past two weeks. I was sure nothing would be any different that it has been, but the fear of it getting worse was still there.
I sighed, readjusting my backpack and picked up my head. I heard shrill laughter coming from the room. Mr. Daniels was flexing his muscles for the much younger Mrs. Hewlett who seemed impressed. I approached the door and it automatically opened.
“Am I interrupting something,” I asked.
“Oh no, not at all,” Mrs. Hewlett said, flapping her hand and patting the seat next to her. “Please, come sit.”
I couldn’t help but to glare at her rudeness. I suppose it couldn’t be helped, however. She’s a foreigner after all.
“Me and Jack, was it? We were just talking,” she said.
“Why didn’t you guys tell me that James got hurt really badly,
   <da:thumb id="517622534"/>
FutureHaving decided to live,
I eat salads, cut sweets,
take up walking. A small white dog
yaps fiercely behind his fence. I wonder
how it feels to act so earnestly.
At night my body resounds
with slow tides of blood. Wave after wave,
it says: you are, you are, you are.
I feel old, the way
only the very young do.
I listen to the cricketing
of bone and ligament,
the stiffening nodules of meat.
Last week, my cat died in the laundry room
balled up like a rag. This is the end
for every living thing. I haven't forgotten.
It still clutches my throat.
But it would be fine, filling the years
with some meaningless love.
Yapping day after day, stupidly
whole-hearted, the sense
of a good job well done.
You are, says the body.
You are dying, says the brain.
Yap yap, says the dog,
and goes inside for a treat.
      <da:thumb id="448238503"/>
    The River Of Love Bonds (Valentines Story)     It was February 14, 2015 on a Friday. A girl with blue hair wearing blue dress with sheer sleeves, glovelets, back bow, wearing fish stocking  on her legs, a lace up corset with some heels. The young blue hair girl walked into a store as she was looking down making sure no one her face or recognizing her like she was trying to hide from some people as she walked up to the counter as an old man was selling chocolates, flowers, shape-heart balloons to people on. "Well, what can I do for you their girl?" The old man asking the young blue hair girl as she looking around, and she pulled out the debit card. "Hey Mr.Aran. It's me Aqua! I'm here to pick up the.....well you know what." Aqua said talking in a calm voice whispering to Mr.Aran as he smiled knowing that was one of his original customers that come to the store. "The you know what? ....OH! It's in the back and...." Mr.Aran said as he noticed he saw some students looking like they were watching Aqua,

From :iconprojectcomment:
<da:thumb id="457119450"/>   

Dannyman12 has requested critique on all of their literature, including A Shaman's Tale.
MiraNoel1628 has requested critique on all of their fan fiction.
BlueFireballs has requested critique on all of their literature.
icanthinkofagoodname has requested critique on all of their literature.
Lamentine has requested critique on all of their literature.
akrasiel has requested critique on all of their literature.
clokthegod has requested critique on all of their literature.
xxEmi-AnGeL-chanxx has requested critique on their chaptered story Fighting Back.
Specific requests for other literature posted can be found here.


From :icondawishingwell:
LauraGalliArt has requested critique on her Free Souls writing.
CoattailsOfJustice has requested critique on their literature.
Jchrispole has requested critique on their literature.




The following groups offer critique folders - please look through the pieces there!
:iconseductiveinkwell: :iconauthors-club: :icondeviant-writing: :iconfighttowrite: :iconliteratureanonymous: :iconlive-love-write: :iconthewritersmeow: :iconunderrated-writers: :iconunseen-writers: :iconwriters4life: :iconwriters--club: :iconwriting-to-live:

We all want concrit.


So let's build each other up and spread the love around! (Yes, I need to be doing this as well.)




On another note:


If anyone's the least bit interested, Norrolith and I have been discussing the possibility of a literature "tag" comment game here. Ideas, suggestions, etc are welcome! I've heard back from morbidman187 who advised that we would need to set it up in the thumbshare forum rather than literature. One could be set up for premium members as well as one for non-premium (there are two different thumbshare forums), so we could have two games going at once and more people could get in on the concrit fun. 

This is where I would normally put my random plug, but this entire journal - plugging for the concrit among us - is the plug, so no additional plug this time!


Comments31
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Pho-Kadat's avatar
Thanks for the mention.